my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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