Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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