It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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