Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she woke up with a sticky ear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
