life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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