I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
