He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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