I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
