i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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