There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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