Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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