go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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