I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
