I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
