Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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