I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
