You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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