im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
