oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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