we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
