Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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