Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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