I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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