I'm so fucking centered right now
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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