Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
