was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize