I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
