My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
two words: eviction party
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
