i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
