if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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