I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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