I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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