If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
