Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
