I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
