my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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