You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
