I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
