I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
thus making me awesome and them whores
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
