I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
