you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
