chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
