Define "chronic" masturbator.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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