My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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