yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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