i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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