i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's blow job season.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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