His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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