There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
