The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
