i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
