Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
