Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
