Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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