I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
