He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
