she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
