OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
