I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
