I think I won the penis lottery.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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