There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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