Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
