doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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