Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need moral support for this bender
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
