you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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