Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
