my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this beer tastes like vomit already
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
