So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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