I wish my penis had an off switch
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
