Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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Semen is not good for contacts.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Boobs speak an international language.
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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