Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
