You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
