Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
