the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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