I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
