I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love having hate sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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