think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
