apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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