My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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