I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
