I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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